franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize