Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
