you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize