oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
