Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
