Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
