Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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