i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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