I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
