i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
