Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
