Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont even know how to be here
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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