Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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