this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
