Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
