I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize