fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
