I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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