she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
