Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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