Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
