My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
