You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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