Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
