No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
