so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
