3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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