you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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