Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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