how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
