gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
