Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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