maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
