WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
