i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
