ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
