I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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