Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
