i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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