I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
