im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
