So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
