At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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