Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
