is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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