Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
