Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
