i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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