Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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