I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
