Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
