O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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