I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
