So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
