you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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