i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
