Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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