I accidentally burped into my bong.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
