Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
