it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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