we made out on top of his cat.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
