after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
