I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
