We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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