You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
