I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
