dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
