I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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