please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
