If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
