6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
