i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
