I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize