Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
