If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
