How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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