all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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