My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
