Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
