she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize