He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize