Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
