Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
