I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
