just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
