9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
