1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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