office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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