I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
