Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
