i love accidental penises.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
