ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
