If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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