You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
