Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
