You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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