Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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