12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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