My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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