He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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