just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
