I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
