So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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