If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize