whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
