Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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