My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
